Haikus to Various People

To the baby in the next room:

Sleep, little one, sleep–

the more you wax unconscious,

the more work I do.

To the man who walked too close to me this morning:

Are you following

me? Or did I simply crash

your tread-path party?

To my new super, whom I’m meeting today:

Juan, your name sounds strong,

but you weirded me out, said,

“The keys are IN there.”

To my parents:

I promise I’m not

dead, I just can’t find a god

damn minute to call.

To the woman who rang up my bagel this morning:

Your bedside manner

is improving–wait, I mean

customer service.

To the tickle at the back of my throat (re: not a person):

I will drown you in

Vitamin C and fluids,

you motherf*cker.

To the cat laid out in front of me (re: not quite a person):

You are snoring, Cat.

I would like to be snoring.

Stop rubbing it in.

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